Hello, Abby My daughter, who is 19, just found out she’s pregnant.
She adores her new guy, who is her first boyfriend. We are thrilled and pleased for her that he has proposed to her, but there is one issue we are struggling with: I am almost positive he is cheating on her.
He claims to be working late and has even informed her on multiple occasions that he must work all night. They live with us, so I can see the warning flags. He never lets her see his phone, even though he’s constantly using it. He keeps it silent while lying down. He promptly declares that he needs to use the restroom when he receives a text message, which happens frequently. He then remains inside for roughly 30 minutes.
Hello, Abby’s Mom suspects her daughter’s boyfriend of infidelity. gets upset when I try to explain what I see to her. She claims to have faith in him and is adamant that he would never betray her. I don’t know how to manage it as I see this happen to her; it hurts. Should I let her discover on her own or should I keep bringing it up? — All Too Well Aware
You’ve already mentioned it. If your daughter wants to be married right away because she is expecting a child, she shouldn’t. Her partner is probably not mature or financially secure enough to get married to anyone because he is living with you. What are his parents’ thoughts on this?
Though I’m not sure you need to spend the money, I was tempted to suggest that you employ a private investigator to see whether the young man is actually working late or all night. The truth will come out in the end. Give your daughter a lot of emotional support in the interim because she will require it and possibly more.
Hello, Abby In 1967, I got hitched to my high school love. We refinanced our mortgage in 1979, after 12 years of marriage, so we could add a room. It came to my attention during the credit check that my wife had borrowed $14,000 and set up a covert mailbox in another city to keep it from me.
The issue was and still is, that she has steadfastly refused to explain its purpose for 52 years. My confidence in her was, needless to say, damaged. She had no issues with drugs, alcohol, or gambling. She must have been asked a thousand times, but I never got a response, as to why she needed the money. We divorced after my affair and our marriage deteriorated.
We reconnected in 1990, but it wasn’t the same. Four years later, after the children had grown, we divorced. At the age of 75 and 20 years into my second marriage, I’m still baffled as to why she refused to come clean in an effort to maintain our union. (I keep thinking about abortion.) Even years later, not a day goes by that I don’t think about it. All my children know is that I had an affair, which is why we are no longer close. I suppose I’ll continue to wonder till the day I pass away. Advice? — Still at Night
Nobody knows why your ex-wife needed the money. She might have used it to help a buddy who needed assistance. She might have also been settling with a blackmailer. Guessing her motivation may be a game played in a lounge because the options are so numerous.
Since you asked, my recommendation to you is to stop worrying about things that you will never receive a direct response to and to let the past go. The actions you are taking are among the most efficient ways to lessen the joys of the present.
Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, is the author of Dear Abby, which was started by Pauline Phillips, her mother. Visit Dear Abby’s website to get in touch.